Softer than raw power,
but still very important, influence plays a role in most of our communications
with each other. Influence is a two-way street: we want to
enhance ours and not be overly swayed by theirs.
It
pays to heed the lessons in psychologist Robert B. Cialdini’s widely-heralded
book, Influence:
The Psychology of Persuasion.
Professor
Cialdini starts with this admission:
“I
can admit it freely now. All my life I've been a patsy. For as long as I can
recall, I've been an easy mark for the pitches of peddlers, fund-raisers, and
operators of one sort or another.” One purpose of his book is to keep us from
falling prey, too.
Here
I list his chapters, along with some of their key ideas:
Weapons of Influence
We often act in strange ways. Tourists were found to be more inclined to
buy the same unfamiliar turquoise jewelry at higher prices than at lower,
believing “expensive = good.” Some of our rules of thumb make good sense, but
not always.
Sales personnel are often counseled to show the more expensive options
first, to “frame” the purchase price in the mind of the prospective customer.
Is she beautiful? Men judging a woman’s looks rated her lower after
viewing the beauties in Charley’s Angels than
after viewing another film. On the other hand, being among a good-looking group
can enhance one’s appearance by the “halo effect.”
Reciprocation: The Old
Give-And-Take… And Take
If you want something from someone, it’s good strategy to give that person
something first, setting up a sense of obligation. Reciprocation has awesome
strength, easily abused.
Politicians’ trade votes, “log-rolling,” to get their legislation passed.
Lobbyists give gifts to politicians. Politicians give favors to constituents. While
dating, some men treat women to expensive entertainment and dinners….
“Free samples” introduce a product while setting up a sense of obligation.
Uninvited favors perform similarly; we are advised to limit our acceptance of
them to those favors we are willing to repay.
Asking for a big favor (rejected) and then revising the request to a
smaller favor is a tactic that often works well, as the revision is seen as a
type of gift itself. (The big favor must not seem unrealistic, however.)
Commitment and
Consistency: Hobgoblins of the Mind
Philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “A foolish consistency is the
hobgoblin of small minds….” Yet, being inconsistent seems wrong. In most
instances consistency is valued and suitable. Inconsistent people seem
unreliable, unpredictable, and even dishonest.
We like to be, and to appear to be, consistent.
Getting you to commit to something small has been shown to make it more
likely you will commit to a much larger, not necessarily related, request.
Social Proof: Truths Are
Us
We cannot test every option, so we observe what others are doing, and we
are strongly influenced by that. For birds, following the flock makes sense:
food is found more readily, predators evaded. For lemmings, on the other hand….
One advertising exec claimed that 95% of people are imitators following
the 5% that are initiators. What is fashion other than social proof?
Beneficently, very shy children were greatly helped by viewing films of
other reluctant children joining a group of kids and playing together happily.
Learning from observing others has value. I think it was Warren Buffett
who recommended learning from mistakes…those made by others.
Liking: The Friendly Thief
Cialdini quotes legendary lawyer Clarence Darrow, “The main work of a
trial attorney is to make a jury like his client.” So much for evidence and
law!
Dr. C. adds, “…we most prefer to say yes to the requests of someone we
know and like.” He then explains the selling dynamics of the classic Tupperware
party, where most participants leave with goods they did not really need, to
accommodate their friend, the hostess.
The man the Guinness Book of World
Records once called “the world’s greatest car salesman” had this simple
formula: a fair price and being a man the customers liked.
What helps make people like you? Physical attractiveness, similarity
(having things in common), giving compliments, contact plus cooperation
(familiarity without competition), conditioning and association (Pavlov’s dogs’
bell; good things happen when…).
If you find you are being influenced by a person’s friendliness rather
than by the innate value of the proposition, step back mentally and analyze the
situation in depth before agreeing.
Authority: Directed Deference
Listen to the expert? Usually. But what makes someone seem expert? What
lends authority?
Credentials and titles can do it. Yale psychologist Professor Stanley
Milgram found, in his extensive study of volunteers in experiments with a
“Learner” (actually an actor) and a “Teacher,” that most people, acceding to the
professorial researcher’s authority role, were willing to give increasing,
often rather extreme, electric shocks to the “Learners,” despite the Learner’s
apparent great discomfort.
Some other factors that lend authority include: looks, clothes, uniforms, and
trappings (office, furniture, car, jewelry, and accessories).
Scarcity: The Rule of the
Few
The value of something is usually a combination of its utility and its
scarcity (e.g., silver versus water). Scarcity elevates perceived value.
Our readers probably do not need to be told the romantic leverage of
sometimes being “hard to get.”
Stores may pretend certain items are nearly sold out. “Limited time
offers” and “sales” are common. Even while fearing the loss of the freedom to
purchase something desired, you are wise to be skeptical.
Drunks are often said to be “under the influence.” We want to be freer
than that.
Questions
What steps do you take to
enhance your own influence? How do you reduce the influence of others over you?
###
Douglas Winslow
Cooper, Ph.D., is a former Harvard science professor. He still publishes, and
he helps others write and publish their books via his business website, http://WriteYourBookWithMe.com. His life's
central theme has been his half-century romance with his
wife, Tina Su Cooper, now quadriplegic for over a decade due to multiple
sclerosis, receiving 24/7 nursing care at home, as discussed at their website here.
###
Published in a slightly different form at http://sixtyandme.com/stop-feeling-powerless-influence-is-not-just-a-young-persons-game/
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