Wednesday, November 29, 2017

REVIEW of WEED OUT THE USERS...



Product Details


If you’re somewhere between 15 and 70, you are likely to be dating or know someone who is. This book is for those women who hope to find Mr. Right among a multitude of Mr. Wrongs. And those of us who like to advise them..

Drawing on his experience of two decades of counseling and advising, during which he has written some 20 books, relationship guru Gregg Michaelsen describes three families of the Wrong clan (Users, Losers, Snoozers), and contrasts them with Mr. Right, a man you can link up with, if you are at your best.  

Users are con men, glib, with an eye for your weaknesses, initially all you could ask for, but quickly asking for more than they give, more than you want to supply. Generosity goes down to stinginess. Attention fades to inattention. 

He’ll continue to date others. You'll do him favors, but get little in return. His conversation centers around him and his interests, not yours. In the extreme, he is a narcissist. The world, including you, is to revolve around him.

“Time heals all wounds,” the saying goes. Turned around as, “time wounds all heels,” this applies here. Go slow with the User, and he’ll show his true colors.

The Loser is a parasite, not a partner. He won’t commit. He may think he wants a committed relationship; you may hope so, but it is not likely to happen.

An acquaintance of mine “invested” about five years with a loser, mostly a waste of time. Dropping him opened up space for her to get a better man.

Michaelsen suggests a four-date test sequence: meet his friends; have him meet with your friends; let him drink too much, while you stay sober; meet his family. Observe, judge, act. You are weeding, making room in your garden.

If he does marry you, you’d be better off single. When you need him, he’ll be elsewhere. If you blame him, you’ll only waste your time; he plays the Victim expertly.

Michaelsen writes that two other types hold promise, the Snoozer, and Mr. Right.

Snoozer can be transformed, trained, to become a Mr. Right. Michaelsen writes, however, that Snoozers are inconsistent. To transform one, you must wield carrot and stick, praise for good behavior, withdrawal for bad, like training a puppy. Effective, though not romantic.

Here is Michaelsen’s Mr. Right: “He takes 100% responsibility…. the opposite of the victim mentality.” He has goals and plans, enthusiasm, respect for others, reliability…and, furthermore, he is always wooing you, openly or subtly.

He is always chasing you, because you have made yourself into a “high-value woman,” one any self-confident man would want.

I found this book informative and entertaining. You don’t have to be a woman to get a lot out of it. For a man, it could help you become a Mr. Right.

###


Here's the link to the book on amazon.com: Weed Out the Users

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I write, coach, and edit through my business at

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

REVIEW of SELF-MADE AUTHORITY




Self-Made Authority: How to Position Yourself As The "Go To Person" In Your Field and Catapult your Business Beyond the Competition by [Momeni, Oliver]

Most of us would like to be recognized as authorities. I know I would. I help people write and publish their books, but so do lots of others. I hope that this book will give me the tools to have a more successful Internet-based business, once I do the work.

Oliver Momeni has distilled his twenty-plus years of entrepreneurship into this highly readable introduction to Internet marketing, with an emphasis on the value of webinars and the relative ease in preparing and presenting them. His web site features his book, several courses, and about a dozen helpful blogs, with the focus on presenting effective webinars. His book provides a link to a free training program as well.

In a little more than one hundred pages, this useful and encouraging book goes well beyond webinars. Its somewhat grandiose subtitle tells us How to Position Yourself as the Go-To Person in Your Field & Catapult Your Business Beyond the Competition. It starts with the story of his near-death illness a decade ago that cost him his marriage and made him think seriously about both success and “giving back” to others who want to succeed.

He covers the following topics: having something to say that others want to know, mastering the Internet, marketing basics, social media, other tools, webinars, YouTube, Google hangouts, podcasting, Kindle books, expert interviews, and coaching. Ideally, you would use all of these, starting with Facebook and your own web page.

Like any persuasive salesman, he then addresses our likely objections and our “misconceptions,” such as hoping to build an online business overnight, finding that “magic pill,” ignoring Search Engine Optimization (SEO), fearing the building of a website, believing you can’t do your own webinar, refusing to invest in your own success, giving up on developing an email contacts list. Since he will be selling us his webinar training programs as well as his book, he is not a disinterested, objective observer.  On the other hand, he seems sincerely interested in helping others succeed, and his personal story and his willingness to correspond with newbies makes it plausible that he really intends to have his students succeed as he has.

I’ve been on the Internet for decades (remember Compuserve?) and using it for my little business for six years, and I found that this little book offered much information I did not know, especially about: online seminar development and presentation, Google hangouts, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest and (new to me) Snapchat). And there’s more, as the commercials say: podcasting, Kindle publishing (I do this), expert interviews, publishing articles, paid advertising, selling, freelancing, and (I don’t do this) even ghostwriting.


Momeni covers each topic well enough to get you started, encouraging you along the way. If I wanted to work this hard, I’d have gotten out of my pajamas. Only kidding. Fine book, a Kindle bargain.

***


My coaching-editing-writing site: http://WriteYourBookWithMe.com

Sunday, November 12, 2017

RETIREMENT? NO. REFIREMENT! "Staying Connected"



Section 8

Staying Connected

As we have put it - One of the dangers that faces you is disconnection; or to put it another way, isolation. There’s a bitter irony to this; you will be at your most vulnerable, most reliant upon others since your infancy, but somehow or other - and we have all witnessed it, maybe even within our own families - connection tends to wane at this time. Bonds are tested to their absolute extreme. The become responsibilities, and can become obligations. Burdens.

You and Those Closest To You

A common misstep with the elderly is to rely heavily upon their closest circle, hoping them to fulfil other angles of social life. Such a relationship sets up an opportunity for disappointment, because there are different forms of conversation we may be eager to have, and not all of them are appropriate for all listeners!
What’s more is the strain this can put on relationships. Becoming emotionally reliant on one person asks a lot of them, and what would be worse than resorting to manipulating one we love?

If you feel lonely, stop and ask yourself: what has your strategy for enticing other been? Are you making an effort to meet them half-way, literally and figuratively? Are you doing your best to listen, as well as talk? Are you allowing people full autonomy, or just moaning people into spending time with you?

Finding Community


There is evidence that the number of groups that a person is a member of is a unique predictor of self-esteem, resilience and mental health. [17]

Maybe it’s nothing as dramatic as loneliness as such, maybe it’s just the feeling that you haven’t expressed yourself verbally in a while. Whatever it is, this feeling can sneak up on you, and by the time it has done you’re in a bad place.

Especially in Western, increasingly secular societies, there is a real lack of community. Many of us never meet our neighbours, let alone actually speak to them. We have disregarded rituals as silly, but when nothing has taken their place we have an uncomfortable silence.

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, church and Bible studies are a great way to socialize.

If there is no existing community for the specific things you are interested in, it is now easier than ever to start your own. Computer literacy is a must.  Reach out to people or create a ‘space’ for them. Interact. See what happens.

You may even decide to share your thoughts through a blog or a vlog.

I suspect we all have someone in our life who in old age appears to be grumpy, and reclusive. I’d like to suggest that perhaps this is what happens to something as simple as shyness; when a person has never learned to say hello.

And this isn’t simple.

But the crucial thing to know is that everyone else feels like that. Truly extroverted people are actually quite rare.

The natural way of finding a community and social partners is to not go out explicitly looking for them. They are something best hunted for obliquely, as in, go and do something you care about, and let the someones introduce themselves or tag along as they please. Then you and the people you interact with are bound to have something talk over. A common starting place. 





Case Study: Paul 



From early on in his life Paul was known to be a gifted speaker. He could get his friends laughing, and then through university he realised that he made a good centre to a dinner table. People just listened. Naturally enough, he landed a job in sales, a position that funded a secure life for himself, his wife and his children. It was his favourite thing to talk about. (Even if people were bored of hearing about it.)

When it became obvious to him that he could no longer stand working for his boss, he decided to withdraw his talents, but he began to see that he only had so much time on Earth, and began to prioritize.

What he regretted most of all was not bearing present for his children as they were growing up. At the time, he reasoned that he had paid for the house, and that that should be his role - but now there were grandchildren, and he suddenly realised that he wanted to make it up to himself, and spend time with them.

In time, though, he felt a nagging. He certainly had talent that was dying to be expressed. His wife at first recommended that Paul get these thoughts in a book, but Paul never liked being sat at a desk - his talent had always been his voice.

It was around this time that podcasting became a thing, although Paul could barely understand the concept at first. He had the idea of just recording a seminar he used to give into his headset - if only for his own curiosity - but he found after posting it on a forum that people were asking him very interesting questions - and that his answers only generated more interest.

Soon people were saying he could just compile his forum posts and blog entries into a book (with the help of an outsourced editor).


The Question:


What obstacles are impeding you from easily capitalizing upon your strengths and interests?
If it’s simply inefficient to learn a whole new alien skill, who could you rely upon for help in this area?



*** 


This is the continuation of a serialization of this new ebook on active retirement, by Ugandan Petero Wamala and American Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., which ebook is available through amazon.com for $0.99: 

Sunday, November 5, 2017

RETIREMENT? NO. REFIREMENT! "Questions and a Case Study"




Routine and Daily Questions


These are a key part of the process - they keep us on track, and make the journey manageable.

We need to build into our routine a time in our day that we ask ourselves the following:

Basic Questions


Did I do my best to...? (Score between 1-10):

1.   Find meaning and purpose?
2.   Build positive relationships (including with family)?
3.   Provide my clients with value?
4.   Be open and to encourage luck and randomness?
5.   Review the key three outcomes for the year, month, week and day? Did I do my best to execute yesterday’s actions to achieve my outcomes?
6.   What are my three outcomes for tomorrow? What am I going to do to achieve them?
7.   Play, have fun and give my clients the opportunity to do so?
8.   Make the very best of whatever happens?

(If you want to start small, start with questions 5 and 6.)





Questions of Routine


Did I do my best to…? (Score between 1-10):

1.   Maintain healthy eating habits and to stay on track to achieve (target weight) by the end of (date)?
2.   Complete my 15 minute hard exercise routine 4 x a week?
3.   Complete my 20 minutes meditation daily 3 x a week?
4.   Complete Lumosity training / Listen to a Bandler CD/MP3?
5.   Complete my stretch workout 3 x a week?
6.   Complete my 5 people-that-I-appreciate exercise (what I see, hear, feel) daily?
7.   Complete my 5 experiences-that-I-appreciate exercise. (what I see, hear, feel) daily?
8.   Remind myself of my priorities for the year, month and week. Decide my key three priorities for the following day?
9.   Ensure high quality sleep?

Note – Please note that I’ve developed these in line with my own particular plans and values. If you’re going to do the exercise it’s worth developing what works for who you are and what you want to do.

Additional Questions


Did I do my best to:

1.   Choose success?
2.   Choose to add value to my clients, family and friends?
3.   Choose health (purpose, exercise, food, meditation, sleep)?
4.   Choose to embrace the full catastrophe of life?
Case Study: William 


William worked as a visual artist and graphic designer, fighting for years as a freelancer, and sometimes enduring company work for projects both boring (corporate calendars) and exciting (designing the layout of local playgrounds.)

Although he was younger than most - mid-fifties - he decided that it wasn’t worth continuing on the treadmill of demand; it seemed like all of his money was going on new technology and all of his free time went into learning new skills. After a bout of repetitive stress injury (RSI) coincided with a death in the family, he decided to take a break, but the graphics industry is legendarily ruthless, and once a person steps out of the flow of demand, it’s very difficult to ever ‘get back on the horse.’

He was feeling defeated one day and visited a playground he had designed, beside which was a large football/cricket pitch that was being maintained – and he remembered a young man that used to visit his grandmother and help to mow the lawn; he would talk to William in a funny way that he appreciated - that man seemed to be so at peace with himself.

It only occurred to William now that the man was a volunteer.

William now mows the lawns for his elderly neighbours, and although he is not as young as the man he had once met, whenever he talks to the neighbour’s grandson, he feels there is some sort of symmetry in his life.




The Question:

Are there any events in the back of your mind that inspire you to do something constructive? What memories could you draw from to give you a sort of symmetry now?

*** 


This is the continuation of a serialization of this new ebook on active retirement, by Ugandan Petero Wamala and American Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., which ebook is available through amazon.com for $0.99: 


Sunday, October 29, 2017

RETIREMENT? NO. REFIREMENT! "Stay Active"





Stay Active

‘Think of retirement as the opposite but equally unhealthy extreme on the other side of being in a perpetual state of high stress and anxiety. Just as it’s not healthy to overwork yourself, it’s also not healthy to not work at all.’
Linda Westwood, Healthy Habits, Vol 3

Studies have shown that working into old age is associated with higher well-being.  [17]

A study by Aquino et al. (1996) found that elderly people reported greater life satisfaction if they worked more hours in paid work; possibly because within the world of work they had status and identity, and higher levels of stimulation.

‘The Bucket List’

Some retirees find it satisfying to have a list of the things they want to do before the kick the bucket,” pass away. This helps give them a sense of purpose and satisfaction.

Re-entering Employment


About 29% for men and 35% of women re-enter the workforce. [18,]

Aquino et al. (1996) found that the number of hours worked at a paying job was positively related to life satisfaction in older workers. Although older adults may experience higher life satisfaction because of the social environment of a workplace, social support did not explain this relationship.

Make a Bit of Money Online 

Retirees are more and more comfortable with the Internet, the World Wide Web, and they can use it to generate some income for themselves.

On a March day in 2017, right after a blizzard hit the north-eastern United States, expert marketer Edison Guzman (edisong@aeadvertising.com) presented a webinar (https://courseversity.com/10-things-you-can-do-to-make-an-extra-buck-online) on ways to make some money online…legitimately.

In most cases, however, one does need to have established a popular web site or blog. Edison told his snow-bound audience that right from home they could work with one or more of the following:
·      Amazon.com – their affiliate program gives those who join (free) 3-10% of the purchases from people who use a link the affiliates provide to purchase products from Amazon, which provides detailed training.
·      CJ.com – Another powerful affiliate program.
·      Clickbank.com – An affiliate program with a high commission (20-70%).
·      JVZoo.com -- An affiliate program with a high commission (20-70%).
·      Teespring.com – They create apparel and other items with your logos and designs. You sell them at a higher price than they charge you.
·      Cafepress.com – Another generous affiliate program with a wide variety of products.
·      Google AdSense – If they accept your application, they will pay you for putting ads on your site that bring customers to them[A1] .
·      Udemy.com – They post educational courses you create and they share the income.
·      WebinarJeo.com – This service and others like it allow you to present conveniently webinars (seminars or talks over the Internet), and you can use them to promote a business or can even charge for admission to the webinar.
·      Freeretirementvideo.com – They help you present and make money from educational or commercial videos.
Being a savvy marketer, Edison took the opportunity to remind the attendees of his free Internet magazine, netmarketingmagazine.com.

Finding Fulfilling Hobbies


Learning is not as stratified as it once was; no matter what your passion is, there are hundreds of equally passionate hobbyists taking pleasure in sharing their enthusiasm online, especially over YouTube.
Think of the most challenging hobby you can imagine, something with a steep difficulty curve - let’s say playing the violin. There are hundreds of people who have ‘taught themselves,’ or at least, they have been taught with the aid of books and videos.

Giving Back To Your Community

‘It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding.’
Khalil Gibran

We are all sadly all-too-familiar with the word ‘anti-social’, but unfortunately we rarely hear its opposite, prosocial; but this term needs to guide us. Even from a purely selfish standpoint, altruism (giving to others) is a consistent way of improving our satisfaction. Active and goal-directed interaction with our social and physical environment has been found to have a positive effect on mood, whilst inoculating us against negative emotions [19, 20] (These two things are not always mutually exclusive.) 

We want, above all, for you to find satisfaction. And what can be more satisfying than changing the world around you for the better, even in minor ways.
Offer Your Wealth
Givewell estimates that the price of saving a child’s life through The Against Malaria Foundation is only $3,340 USD.  For inspiring reading in this area please consult Doing Good Better by William MacAskill.
Offer Your Skills
This gives you a way to stay sharp or to pass the torch, and you might be surprised by how much you actually learn taking your experience into another context. You’ve trained a team of business professionals, but can you train a group of fourteen-year-old’s to play basketball? You’ve been a copy-writer for years, but can you teach a group to do what you do?
Offer Your Time
Recently, the singer George Michael passed away, and it was revealed that he had been volunteering anonymously in a homeless shelter - I can’t think of a gesture more powerful than that. 
Offer You Attention
Kindness does not always take material form. Perhaps the easiest, financially but most difficult emotionally - Is giving a fellow human being the dignity of looking them in the eye and hearing their story.  Often even those who give time and skills are scared of giving attention - of listening to those in our society that are often neglected; the local homeless, poorly-integrated social groups. the aged, (Ageuk.org has a program in which you don’t even have to leave the house - Offering companionship to and elderly person in weekly telephone calls.) 










This is the continuation of a serialization of this new ebook on active retirement, by Ugandan Petero Wamala and American Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., which ebook is available through amazon.com for $0.99: 




Sunday, October 15, 2017

FRUSTRATED WITH LIFE? A Quadriplegic's Story




Chapter 12:
Pulling the Rug from Under Me


Indeed, life can be frustrating. If I put my finger on the pulse of society, my guess is the top four things people get frustrated about are money, career, health or a relationship.  Remember, this is a guess, but I think I’m pretty close to being right. Perhaps not in that order.   Everyone is an individual.

Regardless of your circumstances, what matters is how you deal with the issue frustrating you. Why? Because that is what will determine your outcome.  Regardless the issue, we want our outcome to be the one that brings us happiness!  Nothing else is good enough. What’s all the fuss about life if we are not going to live it happy?

Allow me to relate. I have had a spinal cord injury for a little over 20 years. I was in a car accident when I was 21 years old that resulted in a broken neck,  a spinal cord injury, and paralysis from the shoulders down. No sexy details, just a true boring ole’ accident. 

For me, it felt as if the rug of my life had instantly been ripped from underneath. I was falling in midair with no parachute.   Prior to the moment I was injured, I had been on a magic carpet ride, you see.

I was 21 years old, sharing a townhouse with my girlfriend in Connecticut, and had just landed a dream job.  I had been working two jobs to make ends meet. One was as a “Girl Friday” (the person in a small office that does everything from making copies, brewing coffee, answering phones, picking up dry cleaning for boss, etc., etc.), the other as a weekend manager at a small Greenwich salon.

A woman came into the salon one weekend, and I offered her something to drink, as I would any client. We only spoke for literally a minute, but out of nowhere she hands me her business card and tells me to call her the following day.

I call, I make an appointment to see her, and she offers me a job.  As what?  A consultant on Wall Street. Or perhaps you’ve heard the not-so-nice term “headhunter.”  The financial package offered fantastic health insurance, educational expenses reimbursement, and enough money per week that I could quit both my jobs. Added to this was the commission I’d receive when I placed someone in a job.

She explained in general how the business worked and how she came to be where she was. I assured this woman I could learn anything, and what she proposed sounded not only interesting but exciting… my one problem was, I knew nothing about the position she was offering me!

She laughed and said she could teach me all I needed to know about stocks, bonds, mortgage-backed securities, etc. What she couldn’t teach was honesty, integrity, and tenacity. You had to work hard at this career, but never get so caught up in a commission you could make that you placed someone in a job you knew wasn’t in their best interest, but in yours. And she said she saw those qualities in me.

Her company was small, but her clients were big. I worked at that wonderful business, filled with hard-working, intelligent, good women for almost four months. I felt my life was the cherry on top of the sundae. I sang Frank Sinatra’s lyrics, “I’ve got the world on a string, sitting on a rainbow,” 24/7.  I had found my niche in the professional world.  I had arrived! Whoop! Whoop!

Then I broke my neck and became paralyzed for life. My physical independence, my financial independence, my independence in every aspect of my life was over. For an individual that had been on her own since she was very young, frustration took on a new meaning.

For a drink of water, to scratch an itch on my nose, getting dressed, eating, driving, and every tiny detail in between, I couldn’t do any of these on my own… there was nothing I could think of that I had control over. When you feel like you don’t have control over your own business, finances, relationships, etc., you feel frustrated. 

So what to do?  Hmmm… After digesting what it really meant to have a spinal cord injury, I realized I had something that only I could control, no one else.  No doctor, nurse, therapist, friend, family, or foe, could control the thoughts I put in my mind.  I made those up and put them there, nobody else.

It was as if a magical window opened in my hospital room, and I could see outside for the first time. Yet nothing had physically changed.  I simply shifted my perception, allowing my mind, my heart and my soul to open up and see the possibilities.

Once I did that, I felt like a different person. 

Frustration comes when we can’t find a solution or create a plan to change circumstances we do not wish to be in. Frustration comes from feeling out-of-control of our own destiny. I should be the driver of my life, no one else.

So if you are feeling frustrated, your first step is to recognize what you are frustrated about. Next, find one element in your circumstances you can control. It’s there, I promise. Just find one. That one element will lead you to find other elements you can control, and suddenly you have a plan to get you out of the circumstances you are in, and headed toward the life you wish to lead instead.

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Norman Vincent Peale, “Change your thoughts and you change your world.”


Amy E. Alexander



###


Excerpted from FRUSTRATED WITH LIFE? You Are Not Alone, ebook by  Edison R. Guzman and Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., available online from amazon.com

Write your book with me? See my site. 

Basketball: Like Father, Like Son?






My Next Toastmasters Talk: A Family’s Basketball Highs and Lows - Like Father Like Son? Not quite.

He jumps. He shoots, swish! Another two points for the local high school basketball team. That was my boy, my step-son Phil Chiang, doing what I rarely had been able to do.

It took two generations to attain high school basketball glory in our family.
I loved playing basketball, but I was not very good at it. I tried to be like the pro-basketball player Bob Cousy, Boston Celtics point guard for over a decade, or one of the Harlem Globetrotters, perhaps Meadowlark Lemon. I was fancy, not soundly fundamental.

I dribbled well with my right hand, poorly with my left.

I shot only with my right hand, never with my left, even for lay-ups. I practiced hook shots that I’d hardly get a chance to use in a game.

My long shots were two-handed, not very accurate. My vision was poor, and I refused to wear glasses, so my depth perception suffered, and I was shooting at doubled rims.

I passed well, but sometimes passed behind-the-back, a bit erratically, surprising my teammates.

I was a tenacious defender, but not much of a jumper and a so-so rebounder.

I almost never got into a game as a junior varsity (JV) high school player, and I did not even try out for the varsity.

As a JV, I would scrimmage during week on the second string against the first string, then spend the actual game on the bench.

“Send me in, Coach” I would pray.

If we were well ahead or way behind, I might get some playing time, late.

Once, in my second year, I dribbled most of the way down the court, and took a shot from near the foul line. It went in. My only two points in two years of JV basketball. Thus, I averaged a point a year.

My last three years of high school, I played football as a skinny but determined defensive end, earning a varsity Valley Central letter my junior and senior year.

My son, Phil Chiang, from my wife’s first marriage, loved basketball, too. By sixth grade, he was a fine player, but short for his age. What to do? I advised him to work on jumping: 5’ 3” Muggsy Bogues, 5’ 9” Calvin Murphy both were NBA stars. Phil worked on it.

In junior high, he started to grow, and within a couple of years, he was one of the few kids his age who could dunk the ball. He was an excellent defender and rebounder and a good shooter.  There was no behind-the-back dribbling, no hook shots, just sound fundamentals.

He played in various youth leagues and then for the Ramsey, NJ, high school JV team, becoming first-string his second year. His last two years, he played for the varsity, and in his senior year they won their league, going almost undefeated. His coach offered to pursue getting him a college basketball scholarship for a Division Three college team, but Phil had other tuition support and did not request this be done.

Tina and I would go to most of his games all four years, even though she was in a wheelchair. We would sit at court-side, and occasionally, I would have to catch a ball that otherwise would have struck her. We had a great time.

I still remember a play that Phil made in one of his last games. The other team had shot, and the ball bounced off the rim and started to go out of bounds under the basket. Phil dove for the ball, caught it, threw it to teammate Steve Kupfer at mid-court, before hitting the end wall himself; an excellent shooter, Steve made a basket at the other end of the court. Beautiful and thrilling....for the parents, at least.

It took two generations, but we finally got our basketball star.

Phil had been almost three when he and Tina came to live with me, after our marriage. His Chinese father and I were both academics: professors with modest athletic ability. More athletic than academic, Phil eventually also did earn an MBA. 

Like father, like son? Not wholly so, but people who know us well say that Phil has my smile. I like that.