Beyond Persuasion: How to recognise and use Dark
Psychology, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, and Mind Control in Everyday Life
Author: Rebecca Dolton
Reviewer: Douglas Winslow Cooper
This book’s title grabbed me immediately. Persuasion,
influencing the thinking of others, fascinates me, as does the general study of
the mind. But what is “beyond persuasion”? It is manipulation, largely
the subject of this book, and compulsion, touched upon only in passing
here.
I will follow the author’s outline to share some of the
valuable information she presents.
Introduction
Whereas persuasion may arguably be done to you by someone
for your best interests, at least as they perceive, manipulation is done
against your welfare.
We benefit from recognizing both persuasion and manipulation,
but most importantly we need to protect ourselves from the latter, the book’s
primary theme. Ms. Dolton promises to show us the tricks that others often use
with little regard for our wellbeing.
Manipulation vs. Persuasion
“Manipulation” means to influence in an underhanded manner,
to the disadvantage of the one being manipulated. Sadly, it is too common in
many contexts, especially where rewards of some type are being competed for.
People manipulate others selfishly. Persuasion is less malign, often benign.
You may be persuading someone “for their own good.”
The author notes that manipulation is often marked by
sadism, selfishness, and malevolence. Manipulation may involve authority,
deception, or even force. Manipulators often convince their targets that the
desired behavior is “right” or that it will make them loved or respected.
Dolton cites psychologist George Simon’s triad of
characteristics that separate a manipulator from a persuader: concealed
aggression, targeting of weaknesses, and ruthlessness.
Are we all manipulative? More or less. And less is better.
Right or Wrong – The Ethics of Manipulation
Our desire to fit in with our group, whatever it is, exerts
a depersonalized force on each of us to conform. Ralph Waldo Emerson in his
essay, “Self-Reliance,” noted that society is in a conspiracy against the individuality
of each of its members. Some of this is necessary for society to function; some
results needlessly in our not knowing what we want or should do. Then group-think
swamps individual cognition.
“Churches, cults, political parties, and other institutions
that draw clear lines between members and outsiders provide their members with strict,
clear guidelines of behavior and attitudes….and separate members from
outsiders.” Today, you are pro-Trump or
anti-Trump, and deviation from your group induces scorn.
Persuasion used to harm others is often called “manipulation,”
and this could well have been the title of this fine book. So, the intent is
more the determinant than is the method. In a personal context, greater care is
needed than in a business context, where the participants realize that some
persuasion is selling or manipulation. Whether deception is used is a
significant criterion for whether persuasion or manipulation is underway. If
one is dealing with criminals or with enemies in war, manipulation is often defensible.
Dark Psychology 101
The psychology of those who routinely manipulate others is sometimes
called “dak psychology,” a field that studies a subset of personality types: Machiavellianism,
narcissism, and psychopathy. The author discusses these usefully and at length.
Unfortunately, such people are hard to spot at first, often tending toward “friendly”
and “compassionate,” the better to fool their victims. The characteristics of
those in the “dark triad” are explored in depth. As are many other traits,
these are significantly heritable and hard to correct. Such people cause real
harm, especially as they tend to be drawn to leadership roles, where
manipulation pays off.
They tend to be good-looking because they realize the value
of physical attractiveness in influencing others and thus spend more effort on enhancing
their looks than most others do.
As they are skilled at manipulation and hard to detect,
much less change, your best defense is avoidance.
Mind Control and Brainwashing
“Brainwashing” received national attention after the Korean
War, when the collaborating behavior of many of the Americans who were Chinese
prisoners of war was studied. Few if any limited their release of information
under interrogation to “name, rank, and serial number.” Their captors were
skilled at instilling guilt and obtaining cooperation through persuasion and
manipulation and punishments and rewards. The manipulator is seen as the enemy
but still complied with. A 12-step process is described. Escape is the only
cure. Release from captivity needs to be followed by counseling and deprogramming.
“Mind control” became known in the discussion of cults,
like those that led to mass suicide in Jonestown. The techniques relied more on
rewards and the desire of the participants to conform and to obtain praise from
their leaders. The manipulator is seen as a friend and eventually complied with,
often without realizing a change has occurred in the participants’ thinking. “The
most important weapon you have against it is your ability to think critically.”
NLP – Theory, Research, and Development
“Neuro-Linguistic Programming” (NLP) maintains that ”language
has a direct and measurable effect on the brain’s neurological processes.” Its
practitioners have found subtle ways to enhance our words’ influence on the
behavior of others.
“It is used variously as a self-help tool, a persuasive tactic,
and a tool for manipulative influence.” The author wants us to protect
ourselves from NLP manipulation. NLP's key concepts are subjectivity,
consciousness, and learning.
NLP techniques of influence include: establish rapport
(often by mimicry), gather information about the target’s problems and goals,
make interventions to shift the target’s image-associations, and integrate
changes by having the target view himself differently. It is more an art than a
science.
NLP – Practical Applications
You can use dissociation to break the mental connection
between one state of mind and a stimulus for it. You can reframe an argument to
change its context radically. Use anchoring, “a simple physical stimulus to
recreate a powerful emotional state,” such as putting your hand on someone’s arm
while reassuring them. Imitating them, subtly, is “mirroring” and can lead them
to enhanced trust in you.
“…affirmations are also an NLP technique.”
The book presents a set of questions to help you analyze
what is likely to succeed with a given target. Persuasive “scripts” are described.
Knowing these techniques, you can recognize them when used
on you. Avoid physical contact. Analyze vague words. Keep alert and in the
present.
Body Language
Most of our communication with others is, surprisingly, non-verbal…body
language. The signals vary from culture to culture. For example, how close one
comes and where one person touches another will convey much about their
relative status and their relationship: intimate, personal, social, or public. The tone of voice counts heavily, too.
Some body language is easier to master than others: facial
expressions, head and neck movements, body posture, shoulder positions,
gestures, handshakes, breathing, various physical movements.
Persuasion - Professional vs. Personal
Commercial contexts announce to all involved that
persuasion is underway, possibly manipulation, too, and the participants often
give each other more leeway in what they find acceptable.
The best business persuaders are often in fact manipulators.
Rebecca Dolton lists six tactics of persuasion/manipulation described by influence
guru Robert Cialdini: reciprocity, social proof, commitment and consistency,
liking, scarcity, and authority. If done with the other person’s wellbeing
considered, that’s fine.
How to Recognize and Defend Against Controlling and Highly
Manipulative People
“The better the manipulator, the harder they are to catch.”
They are good at making their targets feel responsible. Generating guilt is a
favorite tactic. Your best response: say “no!” You may need to enlist allies.
Never get separated from your loved ones. Watch out for those who make you doubt
yourself. Don’t accept responsibility for their hurt feelings. Be alert to
repeated harm and their repeated criticisms. Retain supportive allies. Continue
to work toward your goals. Communicate honestly. Challenge any manipulation.
Know your rights.
Conclusion
Say goodbye to manipulative people.
References
Scores of information sources and their web links end this
book.
My evaluation: this highly readable and informative book is
a treasure.
