LEO COOPER CHIANG, 10 Months Old, Still Adorable

 My super grandson.

"A World of Our Own" by Tom Springfield (1965)

 Close the door, light the light

We're stayin' home tonight
Far away from the bustle and the bright city lights
Let them all fade away, just leave us alone
And we'll live in a world of our own

We'll build a world of our own that no one else can share
All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there
And I know you will find there'll be peace of mind
When we live in a world of our own

Oh, my love, oh my love, I've cried for you so much
Lonely nights without sleeping while I longed for your touch
Now your lips can't evade the heartache I've known
Come with me to a world of our own

We'll build a world of our own that no one else can share
All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there
And I know you will find there'll be peace of mind
When we live in a world of our own

We'll build a world of our own that no one else can share
All our sorrows we'll leave far behind us there
And I know you will find there'll be peace of mind
When we live in a world of our own

And I know you will find there'll be peace of mind
When we live in a world of our own

I listened to this frequently after my June 1964 separation from college sweetheart, Tina Su, eventually Tina Su Cooper.

IN MEMORIAM: ROBERT F. STARBUCK, USMC

  

Robert F. Starbuck died a hero in Vietnam on February 4, 1967.  Only 25, he was a sergeant of an elite RECON Marine detachment holding a hill against overwhelming odds.  He was awarded the Silver Star for bravery.

 

Bob and I were football teammates, high school classmates, and friends. He was very likable and decent.  His death must have been shattering for his family. When I learned, much later than 1967, of his death, I pondered what I could do in his memory. Moving back to Walden, I found that our high school, Valley Central, held an annual awards ceremony for members of the athletic teams. I established the Robert F. Starbuck Captain’s Award in his honor, going each year to the captain of the football team, in recognition of Bob’s leadership, courage, strength, and service to our country.

The story of Bob’s last battle is one of those in the book, Honor the Warrior: The United States Marine Corps in Vietnam, by William L. Myers, published in 2000. Mr. Myers dedicates his book to the nearly 15,000 members of the U.S. Marine Corps who died in Viet Nam. His dedication includes this excerpt from a poem by Laurence Binyon:

 

            But they shall not grow old

            As we who are left grow old.

            Age will not weary them nor the years condemn,

            But at the going down of the sun and in the morning

            We will remember them.

 

We do remember.

 

TOGETHER FOREVER?

Nearly every day through our 37-year marriage, I reminded my beloved Tina Su Cooper,

"Sweetie Ting, I love you: 

Every cell, every second,

Every molecule, every moment,

Every itty-bitty bit, every instant,

Now and forever."

Not quite poetry, but Tina and both I liked it.

"Now and forever" meant together forever.

Tina has died (4/25/22) and is interred next to our shared tombstone, which has engraved on it, "Together Forever." I have been giving that sentiment a bit more thought.

If there is a Heaven, she is there now, and I hope to be there someday. That will handle "together forever" nicely, though waiting will be hard.

If there is no Heaven, then we will be side-by-side in our graves, together in that way.

Meanwhile, I choose to view us as still married, to keep my wedding ring on my left hand, to do nothing I would not do were she here now. We are metaphorically still married, together in that way. Much as I miss Tina, this comforts me. 

A promise kept forever is the most precious of vows. 

NOTES FOR MY EULOGY FOR TINA SU COOPER, 05.03.22

 FAMILY AND FRIENDS, THANKS FOR COMING.

“WORK IS LOVE MADE REAL.”

 

[COUGH]

FEBRUARY 2004 – TINA CHOKED, INHALED, INFECTED, AMBULANCE

MY DELAYED ARRIVAL AND COUNTERMANDING HER ORDERS

COMA FOR A WEEK

QUADRIPLEGIA, VENTILATOR, SPEECHLESS

EVENTUALLY: I DID THE RIGHT THING; SHE WANTS TO LIVE

100 DAYS IN THE ER

HOME OR HOSPICE, ONLY MONTHS TO LIVE

CHRISTMAS IN OCTOBER?

 

TAKING OVER FROM NURSING SERVICE FOR 17 YEARS:

TERRY BUSH, DIANE BEGGIN, VERLEEN LEWIS, DORI OSKAM, MARY WILKINSON, AUDREY POTTINGER, KATE MURPHY, HEATHER GEIB, JACKIE OAKLEY, ANGELA MULLINGS, DENISE BINNS, ABBY BOPELA, KATHY KARPIAK, STEPHANIE KAUFMAN, BOBBIE RIEMER, KELLI RAMSEY, SONIA RICKS, MELISSA VARIANO, GLORIA WOOD, CASEY PARTRIDGE, BARBARA GEORGE, TARA O’BRYAN

SEVENTEEN YEARS OF “EXTRA” LIFE.

 

WHO IS TINA SU COOPER?

KUNMING, CHINA, WW II, 4/3/44

2^ND DAUGHTER TO DR. AND MRS. SU

MIT, CHIAO FAMILY

ALLIED PETROCHEMICAL FACTORY

1946 TO AMERICA

PROF. SU @ UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER

“IRENE AND GENE AND TINA IN BETWEEN.”

ROCHESTER-HENRIETTA HS.

          VALEDICTORIAN, CLASS PRESIDENT, YEARBOOK EDITOR

CORNELL UNIVERSITY, AB 1966 W/DISTINCTION

          PRE-MED TO ASIAN STUDIES (CAT KILLED HER MD CAREER?)

HARVARD UNIVERSITY, MS 1968, EARNED DOCTORAL CANDIDACY

          ASIAN STUDIES

          MRS. INSTEAD: MARRIED DR. KWEN-SHENG CHIANG

 

CHICAGO: EDITORIAL STAFF, ENCYCLOPEDIA BRITANNICA

          THEODORE CHIANG, 1973

          PHILIP CHIANG, 1981

          MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS PARALYSIS / DIAGNOSIS

STRESSFUL MARRIAGE OF A TRADITIONAL CHINESE PROFESSIONAL MAN AND A MODERN, INDEPENDENT ASIAN-AMERICAN WOMAN.

MY 1983 BUSINESS TRIP TO CHICAGO AND CALL. STILL LOVE HER.

“NOTHING HAS CHANGED FOR ME IN TWENTY YEARS.”

MEETING. ALL I EVER WANTED IN A WOMAN.

M.S. REVEALED: USUALLY MILD, SOME SEVERE.

MY SLEEPLESS NIGHT: CAN I HANDLE THIS IF NEEDED?

“WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

“YES, YES, YES!”

 

FIRST:  TEN EASY YEARS OF BLISS.

NEXT: TEN VERY HAPPY YEARS WITH PARAPLEGIA AND HELP.

THEN: 17 YRS QUADRIPLEGIA, VENTILATOR, HOME NURSING CARE (IBM).

 

TINA’S AND MY THANKS TO IBM AND THE NURSES AND DOCTORS.

WE ARE GRATEFUL FOR ALL OUR 37 YEARS OF MARRIAGE AND THE 17 EXTRA YEARS AFTER THE “HOSPICE” ADVICE.

 

WITHOUT TINA, WE WOULD NOT KNOW TED, PHIL, LISA, AND LEO

 

TINA’S DEPARTURE LEAVES A HOLE IN OUR LIVES.

 

POET ROBERT FROST WROTE ABOUT WHAT EVE GAVE TO THE GARDEN OF EDEN (SEE THE MEMORIAL CARD):

“NEVER AGAIN WOULD BIRDS’ SONG BE THE SAME.

AND TO DO THAT TO BIRDS IS WHY SHE CAME.”

 

FOR US, TINA CHANGED SO MUCH, TOO.

 

NEVER AGAIN WILL OUR LIVES BE THE SAME.

OUR LOSS IS HEAVEN’S GAIN.

 

NIGHTMARE 05/18/22

 I rarely have dreams I remember, but this morning, mine was too apt to forget.

I was walking at night in the rain on a deserted road, after some car crash, partially dressed, not sure of where I was going, except that it would be a long and difficult trek.

From nowhere, an old man, in a hooded jacket, came up to me unexpectedly and asked if I was ok.

"I'm fine," I responded, feeling anything but fine.

Denial is useful. The death of a spouse, especially one as beloved as Tina, is disconcerting in the extreme, but we persevere. 

Virginia Nodhturft's Tribute to Tina Su Cooper, 5/3/22

Indeed, this is a sad day for all who knew and loved Tina. The pain and sadness we all feel today is hard to describe. We cannot begin to comprehend the extreme loss Tina’s family are experiencing now. Tina’s passing has heavily fell on the hearts of all who loved her. We have abandoned ourselves into an overwhelming state of grief, but we want to honor a great woman named Tina and to offer our comfort the best we can to Tina’s Family. 

 

Tina was an extraordinary woman in so many ways. She was a warm person who loved being part of the families and friend’s conversations. She loved her family and they loved her. She has led friends & family into a kinder, loving, more compassionate world.

 

She was a loving Mom, a devoted wife, a great sister, and a respectful, caring daughter and friend to so many.

 

Her unaffected, natural, innate dignity never deserted her during her difficult times. She was esteemed and loved by all who knew her. The kindliness and tenderness of her heart was seen and felt by all who came within the charmed circle of her intimacy. The love of Tina poured out into all our hearts and has inspired us to continue to do God’s work for others in need.

 

What is it we remember when we think of Tina? It was our breathless attention in the room to catch her words, speaking eloquence, animated by the fervor of her mind. The outpourings of her profound intellect were enriched by copious streams from her fountain of knowledge. It was her understated outlook on life, her warm heart, her sense of humor, her air of dignity, and her joy of being around people. It was her ability to always think of others, to be concerned for others before herself.

 

The thread of life is cut, the immortal separated from the mortal, but the products of her great and cultivated mind remain with us forever.

 

As we abandon ourselves into grief, we thank God for all the blessings that Tina has bestowed upon us all during her life. She has taught us to celebrate the goodness of God and has taught us what life is all about, which is rich, warm, loving relationships with family and friends and doing good for others.

 

Today actually belongs less to grief and sorrow than congratulations and joy.  It is true that Tina is no longer among the living, but is subject of congratulations that she lived far beyond the ordinary period allotted for human life with Tina’s condition. We rejoice that she lived long enough to hear the words of Doug’s book, Ting and I. Seeing her extraordinary life through the eyes of her husband and hearing the warm, loving tributes of her by her friends and family was indeed a gift to her beyond the description of words.

 

Every October we looked forward to seeing Tina. We have such fond memories of visiting with her. She always asked how our son Philip was doing and asked how we were doing. As she listened with enthusiasm, she gave us an update on how Doug and her two sons Phil and Ted were doing. She beamed with pride as she shared their accomplishments with us. She was proud of her mom’s beautiful paintings and always reminded us that the lighted picture on the wall was given to her by her son Phil.

 

Tina has left many wonderful treasured memories for her family and for all of us who knew and loved her. She was our sunshine and our bright shining star.

 

Tina’s life was filled with joy, hope, enthusiasm, courage, and love. Her journey was a great one packed with fun and adventure and surrounded by loving family members and friends.

 

With Tina’s passing, she lives on. She lives on in each of us with her warm, loving spirit.  The power of God has allowed Tina to resurrect her spirit within each of us. She has given us restoration and hope to move forward.

We need to make our lives purposeful and infuse Tina’s spirit in others. We need to tap into Tina’s pure gold and inoculate others with her warm, loving spirit to give strength to others in need, so they can lead an abundance of life. In Tina’s legacy, we must bring hope, joy, and peace to others.

 

Doug, there is a special spot in heaven for you. There is a saying that says, “How we handle our tough times stays with us for a long time!” You have handled your tough time with grace, dignity, sacrifice, and commitment, and put your needs on the back burner to be by Tina’s side day and night. Caring for her medical needs, offering comfort, love, support, singing to her, reading to her, and providing her with entertainment to keep her spirits up have done more for Tina than you realize. You were her advocate when she had to be admitted, you were her lover, friend, and longtime confidant. You were the best husband any person could hope to have. You have been an extraordinary inspiration to all of us, Doug.

 

And Phil and Ted, you have to take comfort in knowing you were the best sons any mom could hope for. You lifted her spirits with your visits, calls, and letters. You provided her with laughter, joy, pride, and fun. She loved you both more than you realize.

 

I pray for comfort, peace, and encouragement for Doug, Phil, Ted, and her other family members. Mend them and restore them so they can move on to where they need to be. I pray that God will carry you all through this difficult time.

 

Dear Lord, Tina is at your side and in your hands now, please take good care of her. Please take her hand to greet her parents now in heaven. And, please help Tina’s family, find the courage, strength, and self-confidence to cope with this extraordinary loss. 

 

 

"The Cruel War" Lyrics Remind Me of Tina's Love

The cruel war is raging, Johnny has to fight
I want to be with him from morning to night
I want to be with him, it grieves my heart so
Won't you let me go with you?

No, my love, no

Tomorrow is Sunday, Monday is the day
That your captain will call you and you must obey
Your captain will call you it grieves my heart so
Won't you let me go with you?

No, my love, no

I'll tie back my hair, men's clothing I'll put on
I'll pass as your comrade, as we march along
I'll pass as your comrade, no one will ever know
Won't you let me go with you?

No, my love, no

Oh Johnny, oh Johnny, I fear you are unkind
I love you far better than all of mankind
I love you far better than words can e're express
Won't you let me go with you?

Yes, my love, yes