Saturday, September 19, 2015


I think all of us, as we get older and I hope wiser, think about our what-if’s.

What if my mother had not left me? What if she had not come back and kidnapped me?

What if my father had not come and kidnapped me back? What if my father had never met Ann? What if he had prevented Ann from abusing me, instead of joining her in doing so?

What if my paternal grandmother had not gotten sick and died when she did?

Before she died, I was not allowed to be alone with my paternal grandmother from the day my father and Ann married. If my grandmother had found out what Ann and my father were doing to me, she would have gotten me away from them. Of that I am sure!

What if my maternal grandparents had become involved in my life, a grand-daughter living only a few miles from them?

What if I had not left  Aunt Jennie when my father told Aunt Jennie that Ann and he wanted me to come back home because Ann “had changed“? I was happy at Aunt Jennie’s house. Within 24 hours my father’s house burned, starting in my closet. Why did I not then go back to Aunt Jennie’s house? I had my dog and clothes on my back. Why did I not go back? It’s not like I had a lot of things to pack!

What if I had not married my first husband? My son would not have been born, and my son was and is the light in my life.

What if I had not wasted 13 years with Bruce? I don’t know. There were two very good men who entered my life during off-times with Bruce. I never gave them a chance to be anything other than friends. Now the one of them who was the closest to me has passed away. I miss him.

I worked every day for 20 years in the packing house, packing fruit. When I finished, I had to do paperwork and payroll. I lost one-half of my finger in a bagging machine. This injury took a long time to heal, due to my diabetes. My paycheck was next to nothing, so now my Social Security income is also next to nothing. What if I had insisted on a different arrangement?

I believe that my biggest what-if is about saving Alan’s daughter from the abusive life she had with her mother. It took years of going through the court system and years off our lives! It cost over $130,000, of which we could only pay $25,000 so far. Meanwhile, the daughter has become just like her mother. She has been diagnosed with a mental illness but does not think she has a mental illness, so she refuses to take her medicines. She feels that everyone else has problems, but not she. She has done some terrible things to me and to her father. Her father is not strong enough to stand up to her, but after the last heartache she caused me, I am done.


We have nearly finished serializing here our book Kidnapped Twice: Then Betrayed and Abused, by Mary E. Seaman and Douglas Winslow Cooper, available in paperback and ebook formats from its publisher, Outskirts Press, as well as from other online sellers, such as and

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