Monday, October 5, 2015
"Trust" and "Why, Dad, Why?" and "Lesson" from KIDNAPPED TWICE
During an otherwise normal day in my life, I had a moment where I realized that I had said something that surprised myself. What did I say?
I have had some more repairs done on my green 1995 Blazer, but I feel it is about ready to stop running forever. Of course, stopping would likely happen at night with me behind the wheel. I’ve been concerned about driving upstate to see my sister, using my 1990 Mazda, which I cannot do if it is going to rain or snow, because the car leaks.
I was shown a four-wheel-drive vehicle, just what I need to get up my hill, and which is for sale. I wanted my son to check it out for me, as he passes by the shop where it is parked. I also told my cousin who lives on my hill, one house down, about the car. He kindly went to check the vehicle for me the next day after work.
I feel very grateful to have my cousin as a friend. My only regret is that we were not friends a long time ago. Anyway, after my son checked the vehicle, he called to say that it seemed good, and he asked me if I trusted the man who was selling it. Without hesitation, I said, “No, I trust no one but you.” I surprised myself by my quick reply: I try not to give my son negative answers.
As I thought about that reply, I recalled different people in my life in whom I had trusted, with hurtful results. My long-time friends do not fall into this category. I’m referring only to people whom I trusted with my romantic feelings. I truly realized that I don’t trust anyone now! I like some people, and I care about some people, but if I had to trust any of them with my well-being, I could not. I do understand this is not a good thing for me, but it is what it is. I really don’t feel like changing it anytime soon!
WHY, DAD, WHY?
Something has been going through my mind. When my father traveled to Virginia to kidnap me back, he must have been nervous that if he got caught, he would end up in jail for awhile until somehow it got straightened out. That was a brave thing he did!
To what end?
I was back with my grandmother and grandfather at the Lake, so I was happy again. To go through so much to get me back and then not only watch Ann abuse me but to also abuse me himself?
What happened? Was it the alcohol? Was it that he did not love me any more? What was it?
My son recently said to me what a miracle it is that he himself did not become a drinker, an abuser, or a cheater! I think about that conversation a lot. That miracle was totally in God's hands, not mine.
LESSON: YOU CAN HEAL YOURSELF
I know now the many blessings the Lord gave me. I wish I had put it all together years ago. I did not realize I was pretty. I did know that I had a good voice, but I was not strong enough to get up and sing by myself in front of people. Once I graduated from high school, I didn’t have a music teacher making me sing when special occasions would happen, as I had in school.
I was so involved with just surviving every day that I wasn’t strong enough to use my God-given talents.
My hope in writing this is to help others who grow up in dysfunctional families and are told demeaning and hurtful things about themselves. I urge them to overcome their fears and to build themselves a new foundation. I want them to believe in themselves and understand that life can be unfair, but each of us can change it for ourselves and for others. Do not take a lifetime to begin to heal!
We have finished serializing this book, KIDNAPPED TWICE: Then Betrayed and Abused, by Mary E. Seaman and Douglas Winslow Cooper.The memoir is available from its publisher, Outskirts Press, as well as from other online booksellers, including amazon.com and bn.com...in ereader and paperback formats. I was proud to have served as coach and co-author. See also