REVIEW of WEED OUT THE USERS...

If you’re somewhere between 15 and 70, you are likely to be dating or know someone who is. This book is for those women who hope to find Mr. Right among a multitude of Mr. Wrongs. And those of us who like to advise them..

Drawing on his experience of two decades of counseling and advising, during which he has written some 20 books, relationship guru Gregg Michaelsen describes three families of the Wrong clan (Users, Losers, Snoozers), and contrasts them with Mr. Right, a man you can link up with, if you are at your best.  

Users are con men, glib, with an eye for your weaknesses, initially all you could ask for, but quickly asking for more than they give, more than you want to supply. Generosity goes down to stinginess. Attention fades to inattention. 

He’ll continue to date others. You'll do him favors, but get little in return. His conversation centers around him and his interests, not yours. In the extreme, he is a narcissist. The world, including you, is to revolve around him.

“Time heals all wounds,” the saying goes. Turned around as, “time wounds all heels,” this applies here. Go slow with the User, and he’ll show his true colors.

The Loser is a parasite, not a partner. He won’t commit. He may think he wants a committed relationship; you may hope so, but it is not likely to happen.

An acquaintance of mine “invested” about five years with a loser, mostly a waste of time. Dropping him opened up space for her to get a better man.

Michaelsen suggests a four-date test sequence: meet his friends; have him meet with your friends; let him drink too much, while you stay sober; meet his family. Observe, judge, act. You are weeding, making room in your garden.

If he does marry you, you’d be better off single. When you need him, he’ll be elsewhere. If you blame him, you’ll only waste your time; he plays the Victim expertly.

Michaelsen writes that two other types hold promise, the Snoozer, and Mr. Right.

Snoozer can be transformed, trained, to become a Mr. Right. Michaelsen writes, however, that Snoozers are inconsistent. To transform one, you must wield carrot and stick, praise for good behavior, withdrawal for bad, like training a puppy. Effective, though not romantic.

Here is Michaelsen’s Mr. Right: “He takes 100% responsibility…. the opposite of the victim mentality.” He has goals and plans, enthusiasm, respect for others, reliability…and, furthermore, he is always wooing you, openly or subtly.

He is always chasing you, because you have made yourself into a “high-value woman,” one any self-confident man would want.

I found this book informative and entertaining. You don’t have to be a woman to get a lot out of it. For a man, it could help you become a Mr. Right.

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Here's the link to the book on amazon.com: Weed Out the Users

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I write, coach, and edit through my business at

 Write Your Book with Me 

REVIEW of SELF-MADE AUTHORITY

Most of us would like to be recognized as authorities. I know I would. I help people write and publish their books, but so do lots of others. I hope that this book will give me the tools to have a more successful Internet-based business, once I do the work.

Oliver Momeni has distilled his twenty-plus years of entrepreneurship into this highly readable introduction to Internet marketing, with an emphasis on the value of webinars and the relative ease in preparing and presenting them. His web site features his book, several courses, and about a dozen helpful blogs, with the focus on presenting effective webinars. His book provides a link to a free training program as well.

In a little more than one hundred pages, this useful and encouraging book goes well beyond webinars. Its somewhat grandiose subtitle tells us How to Position Yourself as the Go-To Person in Your Field & Catapult Your Business Beyond the Competition. It starts with the story of his near-death illness a decade ago that cost him his marriage and made him think seriously about both success and “giving back” to others who want to succeed.

He covers the following topics: having something to say that others want to know, mastering the Internet, marketing basics, social media, other tools, webinars, YouTube, Google hangouts, podcasting, Kindle books, expert interviews, and coaching. Ideally, you would use all of these, starting with Facebook and your own web page.

Like any persuasive salesman, he then addresses our likely objections and our “misconceptions,” such as hoping to build an online business overnight, finding that “magic pill,” ignoring Search Engine Optimization (SEO), fearing the building of a website, believing you can’t do your own webinar, refusing to invest in your own success, giving up on developing an email contacts list. Since he will be selling us his webinar training programs as well as his book, he is not a disinterested, objective observer.  On the other hand, he seems sincerely interested in helping others succeed, and his personal story and his willingness to correspond with newbies makes it plausible that he really intends to have his students succeed as he has.

I’ve been on the Internet for decades (remember Compuserve?) and using it for my little business for six years, and I found that this little book offered much information I did not know, especially about: online seminar development and presentation, Google hangouts, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn, Pinterest and (new to me) Snapchat). And there’s more, as the commercials say: podcasting, Kindle publishing (I do this), expert interviews, publishing articles, paid advertising, selling, freelancing, and (I don’t do this) even ghostwriting.

Momeni covers each topic well enough to get you started, encouraging you along the way. If I wanted to work this hard, I’d have gotten out of my pajamas. Only kidding. Fine book, a Kindle bargain.

***

Book URL: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Made-Authority-Position-Yourself-Competition-ebook/dp/B01HFJ42AW/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1511319344&sr=1-1&keywords=Self-Made+Authority

My coaching-editing-writing site: http://WriteYourBookWithMe.com

RETIREMENT? NO. REFIREMENT! "Staying Connected"

Section 8

Staying Connected

As we have put it - One of the dangers that faces you is disconnection; or to put it another way, isolation. There’s a bitter irony to this; you will be at your most vulnerable, most reliant upon others since your infancy, but somehow or other - and we have all witnessed it, maybe even within our own families - connection tends to wane at this time. Bonds are tested to their absolute extreme. The become responsibilities, and can become obligations. Burdens.

You and Those Closest To You

A common misstep with the elderly is to rely heavily upon their closest circle, hoping them to fulfil other angles of social life. Such a relationship sets up an opportunity for disappointment, because there are different forms of conversation we may be eager to have, and not all of them are appropriate for all listeners!

What’s more is the strain this can put on relationships. Becoming emotionally reliant on one person asks a lot of them, and what would be worse than resorting to manipulating one we love?

If you feel lonely, stop and ask yourself: what has your strategy for enticing other been? Are you making an effort to meet them half-way, literally and figuratively? Are you doing your best to listen, as well as talk? Are you allowing people full autonomy, or just moaning people into spending time with you?

Finding Community

There is evidence that the number of groups that a person is a member of is a unique predictor of self-esteem, resilience and mental health. [17]

Maybe it’s nothing as dramatic as loneliness as such, maybe it’s just the feeling that you haven’t expressed yourself verbally in a while. Whatever it is, this feeling can sneak up on you, and by the time it has done you’re in a bad place.

Especially in Western, increasingly secular societies, there is a real lack of community. Many of us never meet our neighbours, let alone actually speak to them. We have disregarded rituals as silly, but when nothing has taken their place we have an uncomfortable silence.

Whether you believe in a higher power or not, church and Bible studies are a great way to socialize.

If there is no existing community for the specific things you are interested in, it is now easier than ever to start your own. Computer literacy is a must.  Reach out to people or create a ‘space’ for them. Interact. See what happens.

You may even decide to share your thoughts through a blog or a vlog.

I suspect we all have someone in our life who in old age appears to be grumpy, and reclusive. I’d like to suggest that perhaps this is what happens to something as simple as shyness; when a person has never learned to say hello.

And this isn’t simple.

But the crucial thing to know is that everyone else feels like that. Truly extroverted people are actually quite rare.

The natural way of finding a community and social partners is to not go out explicitly looking for them. They are something best hunted for obliquely, as in, go and do something you care about, and let the someones introduce themselves or tag along as they please. Then you and the people you interact with are bound to have something talk over. A common starting place. 

Case Study: Paul 

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From early on in his life Paul was known to be a gifted speaker. He could get his friends laughing, and then through university he realised that he made a good centre to a dinner table. People just listened. Naturally enough, he landed a job in sales, a position that funded a secure life for himself, his wife and his children. It was his favourite thing to talk about. (Even if people were bored of hearing about it.)

When it became obvious to him that he could no longer stand working for his boss, he decided to withdraw his talents, but he began to see that he only had so much time on Earth, and began to prioritize.

What he regretted most of all was not bearing present for his children as they were growing up. At the time, he reasoned that he had paid for the house, and that that should be his role - but now there were grandchildren, and he suddenly realised that he wanted to make it up to himself, and spend time with them.

In time, though, he felt a nagging. He certainly had talent that was dying to be expressed. His wife at first recommended that Paul get these thoughts in a book, but Paul never liked being sat at a desk - his talent had always been his voice.

It was around this time that podcasting became a thing, although Paul could barely understand the concept at first. He had the idea of just recording a seminar he used to give into his headset - if only for his own curiosity - but he found after posting it on a forum that people were asking him very interesting questions - and that his answers only generated more interest.

Soon people were saying he could just compile his forum posts and blog entries into a book (with the help of an outsourced editor).

The Question:

What obstacles are impeding you from easily capitalizing upon your strengths and interests? If it’s simply inefficient to learn a whole new alien skill, who could you rely upon for help in this area?

*** 

This is the continuation of a serialization of this new ebook on active retirement, by Ugandan Petero Wamala and American Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., which ebook is available through amazon.com for $0.99: 

https://www.amazon.com/RETIREMENT-NO-REFIREMENT-surviving-continuing-ebook/dp/B06XV52HPQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490748919&sr=8-1&keywords=retirement%3F+no%2C+refirement%21

Would-be authors are invited to see my site
http://WriteYourBookWithMe.com.

RETIREMENT? NO. REFIREMENT! "Questions and a Case Study"

Routine and Daily Questions

These are a key part of the process - they keep us on track, and make the journey manageable.

We need to build into our routine a time in our day that we ask ourselves the following:

Basic Questions

Did I do my best to...? (Score between 1-10):

1.   Find meaning and purpose?

2.   Build positive relationships (including with family)?

3.   Provide my clients with value?

4.   Be open and to encourage luck and randomness?

5.   Review the key three outcomes for the year, month, week and day? Did I do my best to execute yesterday’s actions to achieve my outcomes?

6.   What are my three outcomes for tomorrow? What am I going to do to achieve them?

7.   Play, have fun and give my clients the opportunity to do so?

8.   Make the very best of whatever happens?

(If you want to start small, start with questions 5 and 6.)

Questions of Routine

Did I do my best to…? (Score between 1-10):

1.   Maintain healthy eating habits and to stay on track to achieve (target weight) by the end of (date)?

2.   Complete my 15 minute hard exercise routine 4 x a week?

3.   Complete my 20 minutes meditation daily 3 x a week?

4.   Complete Lumosity training / Listen to a Bandler CD/MP3?

5.   Complete my stretch workout 3 x a week?

6.   Complete my 5 people-that-I-appreciate exercise (what I see, hear, feel) daily?

7.   Complete my 5 experiences-that-I-appreciate exercise. (what I see, hear, feel) daily?

8.   Remind myself of my priorities for the year, month and week. Decide my key three priorities for the following day?

9.   Ensure high quality sleep?

Note – Please note that I’ve developed these in line with my own particular plans and values. If you’re going to do the exercise it’s worth developing what works for who you are and what you want to do.

Additional Questions

Did I do my best to:

1.   Choose success?

2.   Choose to add value to my clients, family and friends?

3.   Choose health (purpose, exercise, food, meditation, sleep)?

4.   Choose to embrace the full catastrophe of life?

Case Study: William 

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William worked as a visual artist and graphic designer, fighting for years as a freelancer, and sometimes enduring company work for projects both boring (corporate calendars) and exciting (designing the layout of local playgrounds.)

Although he was younger than most - mid-fifties - he decided that it wasn’t worth continuing on the treadmill of demand; it seemed like all of his money was going on new technology and all of his free time went into learning new skills. After a bout of repetitive stress injury (RSI) coincided with a death in the family, he decided to take a break, but the graphics industry is legendarily ruthless, and once a person steps out of the flow of demand, it’s very difficult to ever ‘get back on the horse.’

He was feeling defeated one day and visited a playground he had designed, beside which was a large football/cricket pitch that was being maintained – and he remembered a young man that used to visit his grandmother and help to mow the lawn; he would talk to William in a funny way that he appreciated - that man seemed to be so at peace with himself.

It only occurred to William now that the man was a volunteer.

William now mows the lawns for his elderly neighbours, and although he is not as young as the man he had once met, whenever he talks to the neighbour’s grandson, he feels there is some sort of symmetry in his life.

The Question:

Are there any events in the back of your mind that inspire you to do something constructive? What memories could you draw from to give you a sort of symmetry now?

*** 

This is the continuation of a serialization of this new ebook on active retirement, by Ugandan Petero Wamala and American Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D., which ebook is available through amazon.com for $0.99: 

https://www.amazon.com/RETIREMENT-NO-REFIREMENT-surviving-continuing-ebook/dp/B06XV52HPQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1490748919&sr=8-1&keywords=retirement%3F+no%2C+refirement%21

Would-be authors are invited to see my site
http://WriteYourBookWithMe.com.