Keith McArthur in his recent book, 18 Steps to Control Your Life), cites Gary Chapman’s book, The Five Love Languages, in which Chapman makes the point that when we try to express our love to our loved one, we often do so in ways that we appreciate, but not necessarily what he or she appreciates.
Chapman outlined five different love languages:
1. WORDS OF AFFIRMATION
These words are complements and affirmations, recognition of things they do well.
2. ACTS OF SERVICE
“Actions speak louder than words,” we’ve been told. I’ve also heard it said, “work is love and a real.” Many people know you care only by what you do for them.
Some people feel loved primarily when their partners give them things, not necessarily expensive things. While I don’t have much interest in most material things, it is true that when I see something I was given, I think of the giver with appreciation.
4. QUALITY TIME
Others measure our affection by the amount of time that we choose to spend with them, sometimes quietly, sometimes doing something that they want, even if the giver does not want to do it. Perhaps especially if the giver would not usually do it.
5. PHYSICAL TOUCH
Finally, some crave physical touch, not necessarily sex, but kissing, hugging, and caresses.
WHAT IS YOUR LOVE LANGUAGE?
Some tips on knowing what you want:
What hurts you most if it is not given?
What have you requested most often?
How do you express your love?
DIFFERENT PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT REQUIREMENTS
People tend to express love the way they want it expressed to them.
Many relationship problems are traceable to speaking different languages of love.
Learn what languages of love you and your partner want spoken. Don’t let a language mismatch produce a relationship failure.
Douglas Winslow Cooper, PhD
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