Keep in mind that these are very personal choices, some of
which may have been preplanned, while others are determined on an emergent
basis. It is important to have a knowledgeable family or friend go with you
when you meet with the funeral director. I have listed some of the choices you
will be faced with during this time. The funeral parlor I used had a nice
check-off list that made it clear what services were available.
Choice
of funeral home
|
Family
history of use
|
Recommended
by others
|
Unknown
|
Type
of funeral
|
Traditional
with coffin and cemetery burial
|
Cremation
with urn or scatter ashes
|
Home
Funeral; Other
|
Type
of service
|
Traditional
viewing
|
Private
viewing
|
Memorial
|
Clergy
involvement
|
Church
service
|
Gravesite
service
|
Memorial
service
|
Burial
container
|
Coffin
style
and
cost
|
Urn
style and cost
|
Other
|
Burial
site
|
Local
cemetery: ground or mausoleum
|
Military
cemetery
|
Urn;
body donated to science; other
|
Flowers
(often donated afterward)
|
Funeral
parlor
|
Cemetery
|
None;
donation to charity in lieu of flowers
|
Obituary
|
What
to include
|
Cost
|
How
to disseminate
|
Sign-in
book
|
On
podium
|
On
table
|
Who
keeps
|
Prayer
cards
|
Choice
of card
|
Number
of cards
|
Where
to display
|
Funeral
Choices (continued)
Speaker
tributes
|
Family
|
Friends
|
Work
associates
|
Music
or singing
|
Who
will sing
|
Who
picks music
|
What
kind of music
|
Photo
tribute or video
|
Choice
|
Who
to create
|
Who
to remove
|
Communication
regarding events
|
Who’s
in charge
|
Who
needs to know
|
Method
to disseminate information
|
Post-event
gathering
|
Who
coordinates
|
Where
to occur
|
Catered
or closed dishes brought
|
Other
costs
|
Number
of attendants from funeral parlor
|
Accessories
used by funeral parlor
|
Hidden
costs
|
###
With her permission, I am serializing here nurse Cheryl Barrett's valuable book on transcending grief. I had the pleasure of being her coach and editor through my Write Your Book with Me enterprise.
Douglas Winslow Cooper, PhD
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