Sunday, July 5, 2015

Brother and His Fiancee Break Up

A lot has happened in May and June of 2013. My brother and his fiancée broke up! They have a beautiful son, Cole, who of course is being fought over. Todd was the main caregiver for his son, as his fiancée pursued her police career. To have his son ripped out of his daily life has been very painful for my brother. Now the court fight begins, which is often a long and frustrating process. He hasn’t seen his son for two weeks, but has just recently been given brief visitation via the court.

I visited my brother’s mother, Anita, a few days ago. She took
care of her grandchild at least two days a week in my brother’s house with his fiancée. All this is very painful for everyone. I am so afraid for my little nephew, Cole. I have always felt that something was missing in my life, parental love. There is a hole that I could not fill. I fear my nephew will end up with the same feeling.

It always frustrates me when people go to court, and they find it necessary to lie outright or stretch the truth. My brother and his fiancée loved each other at one time. My brother was the main caregiver for their son. I will also state that his fiancée was a good mother. Why can’t they both share custody and save the thousands of dollars they will both spend on attorneys?

What do I know?

My nephew was such a happy child. I hope he stays that way and that life will be kind to him.

I was hoping that my brother and his fiancée would resolve their problems, but it was not to be. They are both very good-looking people, and they had a beautiful baby boy. The break-up has become a custody battle over their son. He is 16 months old, so he has no idea what is going on. His father was his main caregiver, as his mother worked, and my brother has been going to school, but only two days a week.

On those two days, my brother’s mother would drive down from her house to their house and stay over to watch her grandson. My brother’s fiancée was a police officer. She spent time with her son when she was not working. Everyone knew my brother was the main caregiver.

I could go into the problems that could not be worked out between the two parents, but my attention has centered on the beautiful boy who was being damaged, maybe beyond repair. I know a lot about what I am writing, as I was in a turbulent situation many times in my own childhood. I really don’t care what all the experts might say: unless you’ve been there, and done that, you can’t possibly know what is going on in that child’s head. His whole safe, loving world is gone! He cannot get comfortable with his father when he gets visitation, because he knows his father is going to leave him again. He is living with his mother and her parents, and he doesn’t know why nor where his home that he once knew is anymore.

Can this little boy feel trust in his mother and grandparents? Probably not. He has been treated almost the same way as with my own kidnapping when I was a child. One minute, Cole is with his father as he formerly was every day, and the next moment, the police come in and take him away. Then, he doesn’t see his father for quite a while. When he does, he knows his father is going to leave again. When my mother came back to kidnap me, I did not know who she was.

My brother is going crazy not being able to see his son. He has had visitation rights, but could not take the boy out. This past Sunday he was finally able to pick his son up in the city and bring him to his mother’s home. I wish I could have seen my nephew, but I could not.

This is a terrible time for everyone involved. The next legal step is to get overnight visits, as the drive to take the boy out and bring him up to Orange County is an hour and a half, making it three hours of driving round-trip, not quality time spent with his son. When I asked how the visit had gone, everyone agreed that the little guy seems different.

I tried to explain to them what is going on with Cole, but I think I came off too strong. My little nephew is only a year and half old. Although he is very smart, he cannot understand why all this is happening. All he knows is that he does not feel safe no matter where he is. I cry every day about this, as I know what my little nephew is going through. I just pray that it does not affect him for the rest of his life.

I am watching my brother and his mother and my little nephew go through a lot of upset and pain with this breakup. I can see the pain on all their faces.

While all the adults in this mess will be OK, I am so worried about my nephew. No matter who wins this custody battle, it is not in the best interests of this little boy.

We are serializing the memoir KIDNAPPED TWICE: Then Betrayed and Abused, by Mary E. Seaman and myself, which tells of her harsh childhood and the partial recovery she has made in the following half-century. Published by Outskirts Press, it is available in ebook and paperback formats from Outskirts, as well as,, and other on-line booksellers.

My writing-editing-coaching site is

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