Expert negotiator and best-selling author Dr. William Ury gave
the following advice in his recent book Getting
to Yes with Yourself: And Other Worthy Opponents, a sequel to the Getting to Yes book he co-authored with
Roger Fisher three decades ago, one of seven other books he wrote or
co-authored. “Getting to yes” means reaching
an agreement. His six major points are as follows:
1. Put
Yourself in Your Shoes: From Self-Judgment to Self-Understanding
To get what you want, you must know what
you want, not a trivial task. If you think you want something, ask yourself why.
After you have answered that, ask yourself why about that answer, etc. Observe
your “inner critic” and feelings to determine what you really need.
2. Develop
Your Inner BATNA: From Blame to Self-Responsibility
Your BATNA in a negotiation is your Best
Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement, what you can have if the deal falls
through. Do you really need what you are fighting for? Take responsibility for
your choices rather than blaming someone else for your situation.
3. Reframe
Your Picture: From Unfriendly to Friendly
Is it a friendly or unfriendly world? Your
answer will shape much that you do. You are wise to assume the world is
friendly, or at worst neutral. Otherwise, you present a hostile face to the
world and the world will likely mirror that. Find a way to be grateful,
positive about the world you are in.
4. Stay
in the Zone: From Resistance to Acceptance
When you are in “the zone,” you are performing
near your best. You are not regretting the past nor worrying about the future,
but you are succeeding in the present. You go with the flow.
5. Respect
Them Even If: From Exclusion to Inclusion
Instead of having antagonistic relations
with others, find ways to view them with respect and understanding. Try to
imagine “living in their shoes.” Draw your circle to include, not exclude,
them.
6. Give
and Receive: From Win-Lose to Win-Win-Win
You have got to give to get. You need to
find a way for those you interact with to win, also. Ideally, you win, they
win, the world wins. It helps if you do not view this as a world of scarcity,
but rather one where opportunities abound to “grow the pie” that is to be
shared.
Ury’s book is a Kindle ebook $1.99 bargain
at amazon.com:
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