Praise for Good Grief
Recognizing grief and despair after loss are a matter of survival.
Cheryl Barrett’s, Good Grief, can assist us to begin a healing journey
and reweave the story and social fabric of life and community that have been
changed forever. Barrett’s words help us touch our deepest soul’s wisdom that
restores and generates the hope, courage, and vision needed to find a new way
of being.
— Barbara Dossey, PhD, RN,
Author, Florence Nightingale: Mystic,
Visionary, Healer; Holistic Nursing: A Handbook for Practice; and Nurse Coaching: Integrative Approaches for
Health and Wellbeing.
Thank you, Cheryl, for sharing your story, your vulnerabilities, your
challenges and your courage to renew in ways that all of us who have been
through loss understand and feel in that deeper place of being. You connected
us and made it real. The practical tips you shared to help others, I felt,
creates a healing pathway in very simple terms, yet we know and acknowledge
that the journey of grief is far from simplistic in nature. Your words allowed
tears to surface, release and your humor made me smile.
— Anah Aikman, NZRGON, NC-BC, Nurse Coach. The Road
Less Travelled
at www.theroadlesstravelled.co.nz
“Cheryl has written a book from her heart bringing together her own
experience of grief and loss after the sudden death of her husband of 46 years
and her years as a nurse helping others at the end of the life of their loved
ones. She gives very concrete help in how to surmount the challenges of the
loss of a spouse including resources — all shared in such a comforting, loving,
compassionate voice. I felt as if I was sitting with her in her living room.”
— Kitt Racette, Grief Edu-Therapist, Grief
Group facilitator.
Author, Elizabeth Where are you? A journey through Grief.
Avoiding the great loss of a loved one or dear friend escapes no one.
From her own personal experience, Cheryl serves as a wonderful guide for others
on the same journey. If you only adapt one or two of these strategies, you will
move out of the darkness and into the light once again. Peace.
— Brian Luke Seaward, PhD.
Author, Stand Like Mountain, Flow
Like Water and Stressed is Desserts
Spelled Backward.
This book acts as not only a guide, but a testimony of overcoming
grief. Cheryl is very real and sheds light on how grief can not only affect
your emotional, but physical and social health as well. The reader can truly
empathize with Cheryl’s story and is provided with many useful tools on how to
deal with the devastating effects of grief with a holistic approach. I highly
recommend this book to anyone struggling with grief and looking for a hand to
hold to get through their situation.
— Daniel Wilson, DC, Neurologically Based
Chiropractor
Cheryl Barrett’s book, Good Grief, is a love story. It takes the
reader’s hand step-by-step as one who has lost her husband, her other half, and
begins to rebuild her life towards wholeness without him. It is an honest, open
and sensitive exploration of her healing journey of transformation and
resilience. With more than 30 years of experience as a registered nurse to draw
from, she shares a variety of practical information to help others navigate the
pain of such a loss and the courage to find hope and purpose. I recommend this
book to anyone struggling with these issues as a resource to navigate…the
journey from darkness and despair to hope, light and transformation.
— Catherine Errico, MSN, HWNC-BC, HN-BC,
Nurse Coach
After losing a loved one a year ago, my journey through the grieving
process has been one of pain, loneliness and often despair. Cheryl's book Good
Grief offers me inspiration, motivation and vision. A vision of healing and
restoration. She provides guidance on restoring the mind, body and spirit while
helping one to understand the uniqueness of their own journey. — Glenda Terry, RN, BS, NC-BC, Nurse Coach
Good Grief
Strategies For Building Resilience and Supporting
Transformation All Rights Reserved.
Copyright © 2018 Cheryl A. Barrett, RN, MSN v1.0
The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the
opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the
publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal
right to publish all the materials in this book.
This book may not be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in
whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical
without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of
brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
Outskirts Press, Inc.
http://www.outskirtspress.com
ISBN: 978-1-4327-6566-8
Cover Photo © 2018 Cheryl A. Barrett. All rights reserved - used with permission.
Outskirts Press and the “OP” logo are trademarks belonging
to Outskirts Press, Inc.
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Dedication
This book is dedicated to my loving daughter, Bonnie Barrett, without
whom I would not have survived. She has been by my side, sharing her
love, compassion,
caring and outstanding sense of humor. And in memory of my husband, her father,
Frederick Charles Barrett, Jr. (July 19, 1945 — September 1, 2014) — the love
of my life.
Death is Nothing at All
Death is nothing at
all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I, and you are you;
whatever we were to each other, that, we still are.
Call me by my old
familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used, put no
difference in your tone, wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little
jokes we shared together.
Let my name ever be the household word that
it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect, without the
trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant. It is the
same as it ever was. There is unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind because I am out
of sight?
I am waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near, just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
(1847 - 1918)
Canon of St. Paul’s Cathedral, London
Table of Contents
Emerging from
the Darkness..................................................................... xvii
Words of Gratitude
Gratitude, the state of feeling
grateful, is a powerful concept and one of my most used tools in moving through
grief and loss. I believe that expressing gratitude releases a tangible energy,
expansive in nature, with infinite potential. When I express my gratitude, I am
saying that I have a grateful attitude. It is an energetic change that becomes
a part of me that I share with others creating a positive impact for both of us
— the giver and the receiver. It is greater than the sum of its parts. Gratitude
has been like a investment, the more I gave, the more I received.
I did not think this way at first.
I could see nothing to express gratitude for during my journey through grief
and loss. I often had to remind myself to find things, sometimes only one thing,
to be grateful for. This changed over time as I wrote about my loss and
received support and caring from others. I became filled from within as I found
more and more things to be grateful for, more and more opportunities to express
gratitude, and more and more people who expressed gratitude to me for sharing
my story of loss and recovery.
This book is written in gratitude
for everyone in my life and everyone yet to come into my life, as well as both
the visible and invisible forces creating the oneness of all. I am grateful to
those who have been on this journey with me — both near and far. Thank you for
your support, guidance, presence, witness, comfort, sharing, caring and helping
me heal.
I am grateful to God for His
presence in my life, for His guidance and loving support. I never questioned my
faith, but asked a lot of “whys.” This book was a work of love and healing
inspired by faith, hope and the best of who we are as human beings.
My deepest and most sincere
gratitude goes to my daughter, Bonnie Barrett, who has been by my side as she
too journeyed through the grief and loss of her father. We are a team who have
shared joy and sorrow, learned to forgive and to move forward confidently with
strength and grace. I love you .
My humble gratitude and best
wishes go to Brian Luke Seaward of Paramount Wellness for writing my foreword
and supporting me through the book-writing process. He included two concepts
that I could not find the right spot for in my book: reference to the stages of
grief by Elizabeth Kübler-Ross and Joseph Campbell’s template for The Hero’s
Journey. I first met Luke, in 2011, when I took his stress management
instructor course. This course provided the stress management foundation which
I repeatedly referred to for survival strategies on my own “Hero’s Journey”
through grief and loss. A giant hug to you, Luke!
A special thank you to Douglas
Winslow Cooper, my editor and firm believer as a “completionist.” This may not
be a legitimate word, but presented a powerful challenge for me to complete my
book and join the ranks of the “published.” I would still be writing and editing
this book if not for his attention to detail and supportive push to the finish
line! And much gratitude to Outskirts Press for guiding me through the
publication process.
A gracious thank you to Barbara
Dossey for welcoming me on the path to integrative nurse coaching and holding
space for me to be all that I was meant to be. I learned not only how to coach
others, but to practice coaching myself through difficult times “to find a new
way of being.”
I am grateful to Bonney Gulino-Schaub and Richard Schaub for
their support and guidance as I started my journey through grief and loss while
attending their classes on transpersonal coaching. Much of my grief work was
done using techniques from this class.
A heart-felt thank you and big
bear hug to June Amarant, my dear friend, who lost her mother shortly before my
loss. She has been my heart-companion throughout the grieving process. We have
learned from, and supported each other. I am grateful that she asked me to be
her mentor for her MSN in education. It gave me something to focus on and get
outside of myself during a time when I just wanted to withdraw from life.
Congratulations to us both, we made it!
Hugs and gratitude to two people
who supported me on my quest for self-care, reviewing my book and providing
encouragement to completion: Dr. Dan Wilson my chiropractor and Dr. John
Kempter, my holistic dentist in NC.
Thank you to my colleagues,
friends, and friends of friends who embraced my request to review and/or
endorse my book. You provided the much-needed encouragement, validation and
momentum to complete this project. Thank you, Anne Rowley from PA; Anah Ackman
from New Zealand; Maureen Powers from AK; Kitt Racette from Canada; Margaret
Schmidt from WI; and Catherine Errico from NJ.
Finally, but no less important,
much gratitude to all the wonderful strangers who knowingly and unknowingly
cared for me on my journey through grief and loss. You will always have a place
in my heart.
###
With her permission, I will be serializing nurse Cheryl Barrett's valuable book on transcending grief. I had the pleasure of being her coach and editor through my Write Your Book with Me enterprise.
Douglas Winslow Cooper, PhD
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