FRUSTRATED WITH LIFE? Ch. 4 Family

“All that we love deeply becomes part of us.”

Helen Keller

“Positive feelings come from being honest about yourself and accepting your personality, and physical characteristics, warts and all; and, from belonging to a family that accepts you without question.”

 Willard Scott

FAMILY Statistic:

For children 17 and younger: only 46% live in the traditional family, with both parents in their first marriage; 15% have two parents , one or both remarried; 34% live with a  single parent; 5% have no parent at home. [Pew Research Center, 2014]

Chapter 4:
Family

Family members can be our best allies, but too often they hurt us instead. We marry in passion and sometimes regret soon after. Children are born, wanted or not, and they know it. We don’t ask to be born; it is an unintended gift that we unwrap over our lifetimes. As parents, we try to do what is right, but circumstances intervene, and our children become puzzles to us, and we to them.

One blogger characterizes kids as “walking headaches.” Another is appalled by their casual free-loading, rarely helping out. A mother calls her son a “retard.” These pale compared to a girl’s being raped by her eldest brother. One writer would commit suicide but doesn’t want the parents to lose their only child. Another is pregnant with the child of her sister’s husband; she is continuing the infidelity. Just say no!

The family to which we are born determines our genes and early environment,  so we are molded by “nature and nurture” to be a lot like them, yet often that is not enough to keep us loving them…and them loving us. Sometimes, we must decide that staying close to them is a losing proposition.

While marriage can provide enormous joy and solid support, when it goes bad, we have an “intimate enemy” inside our emotional walls, and Heaven becomes Hell. Again, we have to change what we can, move on if we cannot. 

Douglas Winslow Cooper, Ph.D.

#11

My wife keeps telling me that I say things when I know I didn't...I think she's going deaf and only hears what she wants to hear.

#17

my kids don't listen, what happened to being able to spank your rotten kids without getting thrown in jail.

#20

My family recently sued me for stealing a domain name that expired. Luckily they sued me in court on national TV, and now I have more visitors then ever! Things couldn't have worked out better if they were staged...

#47

Kids... teen boy thinks he's an adult, tween girl lacking self discipline. All I do is reinforce the Same thing they've heard all their life. I am stressed and ready to be free from parenting...walking headsaches. Tell know children are a blessing some are barren. This is truly building patience.

#50

I have a man that is slower than molasses, I am constantly reinforcing things to my kid, that we've talked about for years. I fed up with mundane living...its like the movie groundhog day. I push my self to achieve and work hard, I just wish my family would buy a clue. They make me feel like I need drugs to cope...or at least zone out.

#61

How do you ask your adult children (3 of them) to help out financially? While I love that they all came back home after college, they still act like kids. They all have jobs but they eat for free, live here for free, do nothing to contribute around the house, they use my car and use up my gas without even refilling. It is becoming a burden to take care of everyone on a fixed income (I am a single mother on permanent disability from a work related injury). I have asked them to pitch in in a round about way but I get no response, please help!

#66

I'm frustrated w my husband n his job. We hv two small kids n althought I work all week long plus overtime, when the weekend comes I want to relax but since he works during the weekend I get no 'me' time. I've asked him over n over to change his hours to be home more during the weekend, he feels this is best to help save money n be w the boys during the week. So tired of being the one always getting the short end of the stick. Screaming on the inside.

#67

I hate my oldest brother! he rape me when I'm a child. I hate my parent when they always keep said I'm useless!!. They don't believe me, still think I'm the bastard children there have. I hate my friend!!~ They take advantaged from me!! I hate my previous boss, they really suck. My life is really suck!!. I don't have everything. My account book almost empty. I don't know what to do. This insane will killing me. And today how i'm really hate my PARENT when they said Im really disappointing them. When i try to "wake up" they always make me falling again.. until i don't know how to "walk again".. They mesmerize with that bullshit rappers that taken away my childhood.

#71

Im so mad at my self family and husband. I been in a bad mood for about two weeks now. I have three kids 7,5 and 1, my 5yr old never follows direction. My 7 yr old thinks he is grown my 1yr old screams and cries alot, I get no help from my husband. Hes never home he cares more about other people and thier feelings. I dont get out the house I have no friends. I cant think of the last I did something for me, I take care of everyone but me,,, I cant take it no more

#72

i am frustrated with my life i am seprated from my father at the age of 3 so i dont know how it feels to have a father and i am living wiht my mother and grandparents my mother is a nice person but my grandmother is a b**** she was one of the reson why my parents where seprated and she is the one who i hate a lot she has sploied my childhood as i am the only child i had no one to play with and i used be at home all alone and still i am she dont like my friends coming home she ill-treats them i tell how she treats me to my mother she dont not do anything she just stays clam not tht i am getting married still she ill treats me and i am feeling very bad and sometime i want to end my life to go away from everything from everyone i hate my life.

#74

I'm so disappointed in my husband. He's being such a tool lately. One day he's great and then the next he's just nasty. I have given him his space, I ask him how I can help but he just gets angry when I ask. It's a no win situation some times. How can I be supportive If I don't know what's bothering him? We are financially strapped these days, I'm certain that plays a roll. I assure him that I am here for him if he needs me. Eventually he opens up a bit and Just when we get close again, just pushes me and everyone in the family away and shuts down again.

#77

one minute I am the best thing and the next he wants far away as he can get. He says the he has peace when he's not at home. I want to find a way yo repair our relationship but it just seams impossible. Like tonight, he said he had to go for a drive to "clear his mind" which really means get high (but whatever) and 3 hours later he is at some friends house playing football on the ps3. The only day of the week that we can be together as a family and he is too frustrated to even be home....:'(

#86

i am so sick of everything. she sits and tells me ‘oh i talk to you’ well bs, no she doesn’t. i don’t know a thing that’s going on with her, yet she has no problem bossing me around and telling me what to do, yet not giving a crap about my feelings at all. apparently a clean house and the stupid show bones is more important to her than me. isn’t that great? i’ve been replaced by a tv show. i swear this is how it feels. it feels like i have a best friend in her, sometimes, when she feels like listening, but on the other hand it feels like no one has a best friend in me, and that hurts. if ‘everyone else’ is what’s frustrating her then WHY TAKE IT OUT ON ME. i am NOT a punching bag, or a doormat. get it?

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This is the beginning of Chapter 4 of this book by Edison R. Guzman and Douglas Winslow Cooper, published this year and available in paperback and ebook formats through amazon.com. It is based on the entries to the blog Edison Guzman managed for several years. These entries have not been edited.